Spanking?

I've decided to start a blog, to just get my thoughts out there. If people are interested, well that's fine. I started with topic that's really been on my mind lately.

As a parent, nothing will come under more scrutiny than the discipline of your children. Complete strangers who see a 30 sec interval into your life will have an opinion or a judgment as to what you are doing wrong. Added onto that is the fact that my oldest son is just not wired like other children. He has been labeled as uncontrollable by others who don't know or understand. They don't see his heart like I do, that he wants to much to do well, and right. He just doesn't always understand, and has consistently sent me seeking answers.

Often in Christian circles the subject of spanking comes up. It would seem that many Christians seem to hold to a very punitive parent must have absolute control, break the will of the child, mindset. I've genuinely shocked people with my decision to not spank, and I want to explain why.

First I will give personal reasons. I grew up in a lot of chaos and confusion. Early on there was abuse of my mother, later on there was many different foster homes with different rules and styles of parenting. I was always confused and consistently in trouble. I have taken the brunt of anger, and I know I have that tendency in me. Often it is my first reaction to spank, it comes from that unhealthy place in me that is in the process of healing.

Now, when talking about actually striking my child, I have to say, WHY would I? There would have to be some very compelling reason for me to do so. Rules, consequences and discipline does not have to include corporal punishment, so why would I use it? It has never made sense to me. The absolutely only argument that would convince me is a directive from God. But wait, some will try to tell me He has directed it.

No, I have spent quite a bit of time studying the rod verses, and without going into too much detail I will say that I know with 100% clarity they are not speaking of striking a child. The general idea is making your discipline a constant presence in their life. A few facts here that support that is:
1) Proverbs is a book with poetic words and wise sayings. Absolutely no other directives come from Proverbs that are not supported by other Scripture.
2) The word for rod is Shebet, and it could be a shepherd's staff, a king's scepter (think about who wrote the book!) or the staff signifying the head of the clan (think like Moses' rod) Interestingly, we know that the use of a king's scepter was to extend grace from punishment.
3) The word used for child indicates a boy over the age of 5. Completely opposite to what we think of spanking today.
4) 1John 4:18- There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

The Icky Part:
So I wondered where the spanking comes from and found out two very very icky things, and by the way, I do not ever ever recommend you google the term spanking. YUCK!!!

Spare the rod, spoil the child is a line in a poem called Hubridas (sp?). The poem is about how couples were using spanking as domestic discipline in the bedroom as a form of eroticism.

The Spencer Spanking Plan was the first book written about how to spank. It includes all the main points taught today about how to spank your children; including never spank in anger. The purpose of the book was to educate couples on how to use domestic discipline to keep their fights from getting in the way in the bedroom. YUCK YUCK YUCK!!!!

Conclusion: I will choose to parent my children in such a way as to not cause fear, but through gentle love, show my children grace, consistency, and discipline. I will be a constant presence in their lives, to train them. I do not want them to ever fear me, but to trust me in all things. I want to mold their hearts, not simply their behavior.