Warning: rant on the way!
I am so tired of Christians who get their jollies out of making sure that other Christians are doing things "right". And by right, I mean their way! Of course there's a big to do about "speaking the truth in love", "supporting our brothers and sisters in Christ" and some such nonsense. And of course every issue is of utmost importance right?
Um, hello! The Holy Spirit really doesn't need any help! Does He sometimes use us in each other's lives? Yes, but I'd have to say rarely in the sense of giving someone a "word" to give to someone else. Spiritual accountability and mentorship is important, but this implies a close relationship between two people. Only the will it be possible for people to encourage each other properly.
But apparently the church is filled with these people who can magically see into others lives and get to tell other Christians how to live their lives. Even worse, to judge or to put down another's salvation because of some really dumb issue (read: she doesn't speak in tongues; I saw him smoke, she had a beer last week, etc...)
How sad must it make our Creator to look down and see His children treating each other with such awful disregard. People, it's not love, it's P. R.I.D.E.
Monday, October 22, 2007
Sunday, October 21, 2007
Things you might want to know about me...
I'll start with things I love:
Things I hate:
Things I'm good at:
- God
- My husband
- My wonderful amazing boys
- Musical theatre
- Learning the Bible
- Learning in general
- pets
- dancing
- acting
- singing
- going for a drive on a fall afternoon
- being snowed in
- a good book
- old movies
- bubble baths
- cheesecake
- Swedish fish
- hot chocolate
Things I hate:
- spiders (well, bugs)
- scary movies
- proof texting
- onions
- being cold
- bad smells
Things I'm good at:
- acting/singing/dancing
- listening
- talking
- teaching, working with kids
- shopping for bargains
- organizing
- cooking
- directions
- math
- accents
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
Gout
I hate gout. I hate what it does to our family and our lives. Two years ago my husband had his first attack. Since then he's been put on a myriad of different medications, he's been on a low purine diet, he's seen a specialist. With every attack his knee loses some mobility. He gets weaker and weaker. This time it's in both his knee and his ankle. At least it's the same leg, but what happens if it attacks both legs at the same time?
Two days ago I was angry. You see, he stopped his diet and hasn't been taking his meds. So now we are back to these awful attacks that take over the lives of our entire family. Now I am no longer angry, I am tired. I am a full time mother, housekeeper, and now nurse. I ache for the excruciating pain my beloved is in. I am so tired from caring for him, and making sure the house stays completely picked up and safe for him to get through; not to mention that I am completely on my own dealing with our children, who sense the tension in our home and are reacting to it. I try so hard to keep life normal, but when my husband wakes up screaming in the night, when he cannot not play with them, or do the things he usually does, there is only so much I can do. They are afraid to touch him because of the times in their childish glee and exuberance they've accidentally hurt him and he's cried out in pain. How can I protect them from that?
The worst part? He cannot sleep in bed with me because he forgets in his sleep and tries to move which causes pain. So he sleeps on he couch. He is depressed and tired and discouraged. He's been scolded by doctors and family for not taking his medication and is even lower. I try to encourage him and to support him and lift him up. But in truth, I am tired, and discouraged, and lonely too.
I hate gout.
Two days ago I was angry. You see, he stopped his diet and hasn't been taking his meds. So now we are back to these awful attacks that take over the lives of our entire family. Now I am no longer angry, I am tired. I am a full time mother, housekeeper, and now nurse. I ache for the excruciating pain my beloved is in. I am so tired from caring for him, and making sure the house stays completely picked up and safe for him to get through; not to mention that I am completely on my own dealing with our children, who sense the tension in our home and are reacting to it. I try so hard to keep life normal, but when my husband wakes up screaming in the night, when he cannot not play with them, or do the things he usually does, there is only so much I can do. They are afraid to touch him because of the times in their childish glee and exuberance they've accidentally hurt him and he's cried out in pain. How can I protect them from that?
The worst part? He cannot sleep in bed with me because he forgets in his sleep and tries to move which causes pain. So he sleeps on he couch. He is depressed and tired and discouraged. He's been scolded by doctors and family for not taking his medication and is even lower. I try to encourage him and to support him and lift him up. But in truth, I am tired, and discouraged, and lonely too.
I hate gout.
Saturday, October 13, 2007
Evaluations
As I sit here at 5:30am because my beloved son decided that he didn't need to sleep past 5, I'm beginning to really process what's been going on with him the past few weeks. Well, Peyton hasn't actually changed, but how I look at things and process them has.
Ever since he was a baby, Peyton has been a challenge. He was a high needs baby with his own schedule and needs, and completely unafraid to demand those needs. He hit his milestones really early, and so was moving and getting into things early. As a toddler, Peyton was curious, intelligent, and into absolutely everything. Any babyproofing we did was a temporary fix at best. I've consistently wondered how on earth I would get this child to adulthood.
Now, Peyton is the most wonderful whirlwind I've ever known. Yet, things continue to be difficult. We'll have times where everything seems perfect, and other times when I am at my wits end. It scares me that he cannot get along with other children, because I know he likes them. He likes people, he wants to know you. He just has to have things his way, his terms, otherwise he cannot handle it. No matter what I do, I cannot get through to him, and yet I see his eyes when he has acted out. He's upset with himself, and frustrated, because he wants so much to do right. We're all tired and hurting.
Because of this I've made the decision to have Peyton evaluated for Speech, OT (for sensory issues) and Behaviorally. We are several steps into the process for Behavior, and the doctor is talking to us like we're parents of a child with some form of ASD. I know Speech will be delayed, I predict some sensory issues, which would go with ASD, if it's there. No official diagnosis yet, but I can't help but feel that something is coming.
I'm scared. I have never ever given a second thought about having a child with special needs. Someday I will teach Special Ed, and I've discussed adopting a special needs child. Yet, this is different, because it's my son. I look into his future and wonder what it will hold. I don't want the hurt and the struggle that comes from being "odd" for him. I want him to know a carefree childhood, and the joy of innocence. I keep waiting for an official diagnosis, because I refuse to jump ahead, but I'm scared, and I'm even grieving a little. But, Peyton, I love you!!!! I will be by your side, I will fight with and for you, and I will be there for you. Your are my child, my baby. You are my heart. Love, Mommy.
Ever since he was a baby, Peyton has been a challenge. He was a high needs baby with his own schedule and needs, and completely unafraid to demand those needs. He hit his milestones really early, and so was moving and getting into things early. As a toddler, Peyton was curious, intelligent, and into absolutely everything. Any babyproofing we did was a temporary fix at best. I've consistently wondered how on earth I would get this child to adulthood.
Now, Peyton is the most wonderful whirlwind I've ever known. Yet, things continue to be difficult. We'll have times where everything seems perfect, and other times when I am at my wits end. It scares me that he cannot get along with other children, because I know he likes them. He likes people, he wants to know you. He just has to have things his way, his terms, otherwise he cannot handle it. No matter what I do, I cannot get through to him, and yet I see his eyes when he has acted out. He's upset with himself, and frustrated, because he wants so much to do right. We're all tired and hurting.
Because of this I've made the decision to have Peyton evaluated for Speech, OT (for sensory issues) and Behaviorally. We are several steps into the process for Behavior, and the doctor is talking to us like we're parents of a child with some form of ASD. I know Speech will be delayed, I predict some sensory issues, which would go with ASD, if it's there. No official diagnosis yet, but I can't help but feel that something is coming.
I'm scared. I have never ever given a second thought about having a child with special needs. Someday I will teach Special Ed, and I've discussed adopting a special needs child. Yet, this is different, because it's my son. I look into his future and wonder what it will hold. I don't want the hurt and the struggle that comes from being "odd" for him. I want him to know a carefree childhood, and the joy of innocence. I keep waiting for an official diagnosis, because I refuse to jump ahead, but I'm scared, and I'm even grieving a little. But, Peyton, I love you!!!! I will be by your side, I will fight with and for you, and I will be there for you. Your are my child, my baby. You are my heart. Love, Mommy.
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