Gout

I hate gout. I hate what it does to our family and our lives. Two years ago my husband had his first attack. Since then he's been put on a myriad of different medications, he's been on a low purine diet, he's seen a specialist. With every attack his knee loses some mobility. He gets weaker and weaker. This time it's in both his knee and his ankle. At least it's the same leg, but what happens if it attacks both legs at the same time?

Two days ago I was angry. You see, he stopped his diet and hasn't been taking his meds. So now we are back to these awful attacks that take over the lives of our entire family. Now I am no longer angry, I am tired. I am a full time mother, housekeeper, and now nurse. I ache for the excruciating pain my beloved is in. I am so tired from caring for him, and making sure the house stays completely picked up and safe for him to get through; not to mention that I am completely on my own dealing with our children, who sense the tension in our home and are reacting to it. I try so hard to keep life normal, but when my husband wakes up screaming in the night, when he cannot not play with them, or do the things he usually does, there is only so much I can do. They are afraid to touch him because of the times in their childish glee and exuberance they've accidentally hurt him and he's cried out in pain. How can I protect them from that?

The worst part? He cannot sleep in bed with me because he forgets in his sleep and tries to move which causes pain. So he sleeps on he couch. He is depressed and tired and discouraged. He's been scolded by doctors and family for not taking his medication and is even lower. I try to encourage him and to support him and lift him up. But in truth, I am tired, and discouraged, and lonely too.

I hate gout.